Seasons

February 27, 2010 ammaprincessa
Tags: changes, growth, maturity, new beginnings., sadness, Seasons

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

My favourite parts of America must be the New Jersey area, simply because unlike the “Sunshine States” it has 4 distinct and different seasons. Winter,Spring,Summer and the Fall..or Autumn as we call it here. Sometimes in Jersey, when I would get homesick I would wish for the rain.Coming from West Coast Scotland the rain was certainly something familiar and it made me feel at home. However, when I returned to Scotland, it seemed-at some points, that the rain would never stop. Now yes, it’s really drizzly and grey there, but hey it’s no big deal. I’m speaking metaphorically now, it rained on my heart, my mind felt flooded and my soul was drowning at some points. 

I had problems with my studies, finding a job, relationships,  bereavements, you name it .There was one week where I was so low when all that was going on in my life ,and to top it off I had heard some really bad news and I called a close friend of mine to pick me up the train station so that I could pour out my heart to her, and whilst I was waiting some random figure just loomed over me. He looked so spaced out, and he smiled lazily and asked if I could come stay with him. Yes, he asked if he could come stay with me. I was so stunned I made the excuse that I was living with a friend, who had a  4 yr old daughter in her care. His response? That’s okay I don’t mind. That’s okaaay! It wasn’t your safety I was concerned about Mister! To make matters worse he decided to follow me to my friend’s car, when she also denied his request he decided to open the door to the backseat and try to get in. I very calmly closed it again, jumped in the front and my friend and I sped off. On one hand it was kind of funny, but the next 6 days following this incident were not so funny. The following day, I suffered a very bad sprain to my ankle running for a train, and had to rush to A&E, I had never been in so much pain and I was even in a crutch and a cast for two days. Couple of days later, me and the same friend, were driving another friend to the airport and we broke down..in the middle of the motorway at rush hour and what was so unusual was that the car gave no warning, it didn’t splutter and chug a little then come to a halt. It  just..stopped. Just.Like.That. Car were honking and screeching round us,we were all screaming and wondering how to get to the emergency call box at the side of the motorway.  The road traffic police told us how lucky we were not to have been killed.  These events all have a comical side to them, but really that whole year was like a comedy of errors. They may be humorous in their retelling, but living through an entire year of misfortune was no comedy. Okay, enough about my bad luck week..other things happened, but..I digress..roll on to 2009, I was so full of hope and so determined to move things on, and move on things did.  Finally ran that 10k I said I was going to run and raised a modest sum for a charity.Completed my postgraduate diploma after that very unnecessary delay (thanks 2008 and thanks Dundee University). Got back in touch with some beautiful people from the pasts. My friendships with my true friends deepened and I began to get a little bit of what they call discernment. Discernment : the act or process of exhibiting keen insight and judgement.  Up until then I’d had none, nada, zilch my friends! I had often surrounded myself with snakes and fakes who didn’t seem to realise that one face is better than two. I was successful in 2 out of the 3 jobs I applied for, and in the 3rd one I wound up being the 2nd preferred candidate. I was part of an amazing small group at my church, and  I finally got the opportunity to move down to London as the 2nd interview I was successful in was based in west London. So, I have to say, that year was as good as 2008 was bad.

Good?Bad?  Perhaps, I should rephrase, does easy mean good?Does challenging mean bad? Probably not, and my experiences and emotions I underwent during the “bad year” was probably in large part due to my negative and complaining attitude. Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m no wimp. I’m pretty stoic. They don’t call me the Warrior Princess for no reason . However, I believe that a lot of the time I sullenly fought against it, and wrestled  what I viewed the tentacles of misfortune the more it  became entangled in my life and overshadowed all the sparkle in my world. I laughed just a little bit less and my smile felt more contrived and my heart lost some of it’s warmth. I had the arrogance to question God, and to ask Him and those around me why it was happening to me, whilst I was completely silent about asking why bad things that happened to other people were not happening to me. It’s funny isn’t it? We don’t wake up and say to God..It’s not fair, why are we healthy when other’s have we got cancer? Why do we have a nice house? Why aren’t we homeless? But yet, when something hard happens, we’re the first in line to shout, why me? We rarely ask the questions, or complain about inequality when we seem to be the fortunate ones.

As I grow older, I realise more and more, that there is a season for everything.I can’t always  be laughing, but the rain won’t last forever. It’s in the stormy weather that I’ve grown and developed to be someone that can comfort and encourage others who are still trudging through the mood.

If my life had been a fairytale, I don’t think I’d the person I am now. I wouldn’t be as strong, insightful or empathetic. I’d be a lot less determined and fairly indifferent to the plight of others. Right now, I’m in spring, new things are happenings, it’s bright around me, and I feel summer is approaching. However I pray that the summer won’t make me lazy or weak like the sunshine often does, but instead that joy will become my strength..the strength that will sustain when the next Winter in my life appears. Whenever that will be.

Laughter is precious, but tears are worth more.

 

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One Comment Add your own

• 1. emilita  |  April 15, 2010 at 3:30 pm

  Pc – that is beautiful. My eyes are watering. I’m so happy that you are in Spring. I’m going into hibernation lol xxx

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